Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Thank you my sweet friends...

Thank you to all of you who still check my blog...who still leave me comments...I appreciate you so much...the thoughts warm my heart at a time when I need it the most...sorry that I have been gone for so long...I didn't mean to leave you all...life just got in my way...on February 17, 2011, my life changed forever...I wish I could tell you a wonderful story of lottery winnings or my finally getting pregnant...sadly, it is neither...instead, I speak of a shattered world and a broken heart...forever being changed...my laugh is not the same....my eyes are not the same...my thoughts are not the same...I am numb...I am pitiful...I have fallen apart on the inside...on the outside you may walk into my work and think there is nothing wrong...I am a feeling stuffer...I stuff them until I can go home and cry until my tear ducts are completely empty...have you ever cried with nothing coming out? It is a very strange sensation...like a deep cut without blood...it still stings and hurts like hell, but there is just...nothing.

If you are still with me this long, you are probably wondering what has happened, if you do not already know...on that fateful day my mom...my best friend, my confidant, my everything...had a massive heart attack. I wish I could tell you that she made it through and is by my side stronger than ever...through these tears I wish so badly that I could say that and have it be reality...oh, how I truly wish that...she fought as much as she could...just enough for arrangements to be made and for us to have one more sleepover...I cannot believe it is true...that Sunday, the 20th of February, 2011...my mom left this earth for her new home in heaven...where she is the most gorgeous of angels...beautiful white sparkling wings...being greeted by family and friends that have journeyed before her...leaving me behind...with no regrets for I love her with my entire being and I know that she knows that...I know that she always felt that...I know that she always saw that...that she still knows it...she still feels it...she still sees it...I believe that...because I need to...because unconditional love is strong enough to survive anything...including death...heaven is rejoicing to have her, but this word will suffer the loss of an AMAZING person...not just my Mommy...a brilliant, loving, caring, selfless individual who had a wonderful sense of compassion and patience for loving and healing others...my hero...my Mommy...my best friend...my heart and soul...I miss you so much...every day...every second...every breath that I take...I will never forget...I will always remember...the way you loved me...that is the greatest gift that I could ever be blessed with....rest in peace my sweet angel...I will see you again...I will love you today, tomorrow and always...to the moon and back...I love you Mommy..

Ti Amo,
Princess
xoxo


A celebration of love that will endure all...

19 comments:

Brenda said...

Oh Pryn, there are not words to say that can mend your broken heart. Just know that you have touched many hearts and those hearts will continue to pray for you. For courage, for strength, for you to laugh again. love and hugs, Bren

margie c said...

I am so deeply sorry for your loss, Pryn... many prayers and hugs to you...
margie

Angela B. said...

You are such a beautiful soul, very moving post. We will keep you in our prayers. It does take time to feel like even wanting to be happy during such a time of overwhelming sorrow. You inspire me as well to always remember the good times I had shared with my mother and the unconditional love she had for me. Just remember your never alone. Hugs, Angela

Dana said...

Love you princess!! You have such a gift for words. There are no words of wisdom that will lessen your pain. I wish there were, for I would pay any price to give them to you. All I can do is to continue to pray, to let you know how much you are loved!!
xx
Dana

Colleen Holmes said...

My sweet and precious Pryn, Honey, I love you and just know I am here and always will be. Your mom loved you not only unconditionally but with Pride. She was so PROUD of you. I saw it in her eyes! Love you, call me

Allison Cope said...

My dearest Kelly... I so sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother. Sending great BIG hugs from across the miles. My prayers are with and your family!

AGohl said...

I am so very sorry for your loss Pryn.
Ashley

{Sarah} said...

Oh Kelly..... I wondered about this, having read comments here and there on facebook, but certainly didn't have the courage to ask you the details. I can't even convey to you how very sorry I am for your loss. I wish you all the best during this difficult time as you work through your unexpected grief. Please know that you have many people out there thinking and praying for you (((hugs))) and P.S. my Bailey, Ravin and Finn send kisses because we know those would make you smile ;)

Amy said...

My sweet Pea...My heart aches...I think about you and I ache. I wish I could take all the pain away! I love you, and I am always hoping and praying for better days for you as you journey on in your life. Your heart may ache for a lifetime, but I know you know your mom loved you more than any words can say. She will always be there for you in prayer, memories, photos, and in every part of you. You shared the same light that brings so many people smiles and joy each day! With every smile you make, your mom is right there with you:) We all love you and care for you, keeping you in our hearts and prayers! BIGGEST HUGS in the world!! Peas forever<3

Maureen Merritt said...

Oh Pryn, it took me a day to gather myself enough to comment. I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain. I know you have so many emotions to work through and that's normal!!! I'm a stuffer too. I think most people are, b/c unfortunately despite your pain & grief, the sun continues to rise every single day. That seemed cruel to me...how do you just go on? It's hard, it takes time to heal. Keep remembering how special your relationship was (and is), remember the good times, know how special you were to her and that she will always be at your side. ALWAYS. You have a very deep faith that will help get you through. Continuing believing that one day you will meet again. You will live together forever in each others hearts until that day.
I think of you daily, I'm praying for you. If you need anything, ever...xo! Mo
PS- Your Mommy is beautiful, just like you!

Sandi's Samples said...

Dear sweet Pryn, I know it's not easy when you lose your mommy and best friend, but she is still with you as long as you talk, think and remember all your times together. I can't tell you how long it will take sweetie but it will get a little bit easier as time goes on. My prayers are with you and I am so sorry for your loss.
Huggs
Sandi

Donna Hanley said...

Pryn, I wish I could say something to take that hurt away, but nothing can relieve that pain totally. I have lost both of my parents but I was as close to my Dad as you were to your Mom and I have to tell you that I cried for two years straight (every night). I still cry quite often, just yesterday I did. My dad has been gone for an unbelievable 20 years. I will never get over my loss of him, but I can tell you what helps me is to keep him alive by talking to him and talking about him every single of my life. I am lucky enough, and I think you probably are too, to have many, many wonderful memories. My husband says, "as long as we are alive, your Dad will be alive". I will pray for you to get to the point that the hurt subsides, just enough to laugh at the good memories. God Bless You. Stay Strong. Create in your Mom's memory. Dedicate a little something in each of your creations to her. .... Now I am off to see the rest of your blog.
With Care and complete Understanding
Donna

ThePurplePlace said...

Hun - I love you and I am here and always will be! You are a dear friend and wonderfully talented crafter and it's been such a JOY to have met you!!!

I am still heartbroken for you and sadly, I know the pain of losing loved ones...all too well. Ironically, the day you made this post, was the 20th year Anniversary of losing my infant daughter. It's hard to believe so much time has passed, but I can tell you I will NEVER forget her!

I also lost both my Dad and my Brother in April, so it's a very hard month for me. Like your dear Mom, them were all taken very suddenly from me, with no warning and all were far too you!!

You've been in my heart and thoughts for day and I know you are still in pain! I hope time will help to heal some of that pain and I know your Mom will forever be watching over you!

Hugs and lots of LOVE!!
Lis

Lori Barnett said...

(((hug))) I am so very very sorry Pryn. I know this is very difficult...beyond words difficult. Please know you are being thought of and prayed for.

Barbara said...

Pryn im so sorry about your mom know she will always be with you. my heart ached for you reading your post wish i could just give you a big hug.know i will keep you in my prayers and remember she isnt gone she will always be a smile away hugs

Michele Oliver said...

Hi, I came on your blog to thank you for the warm welcome, then I read your entry. I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. I do love your blog

Colleen Holmes said...

Sweet pea, I don't think there is a day that goes by I do not think of you and wonder how you are doing. Another tough week a head and wanted you to know your loved by so many and always in our hearts...esp. mine.

Roxann said...

Just stopping in to say, "hi"! Sending sweet hugz your way, GF!
Love,
Roxann

Theresa said...

Hey Sweetie! Miss you so much - wish I was there to hug you and hold you and just let you cry all you want or need to. You are such a sweet and thoughtful soul, and even though I didn't know your Mom, I know that must be where you got all your sweetness from! She was your role model, and I know she and all her friends and family in Heaven look down and say "job well done". I wish I could make things all better for you and assure you that it's going to get all better soon, but that's probably the last thing you need right now. Just know that you are loved by me and so many others, and that you are in my heart and in my prayers! Big hugs!